Jul 8, 2011

PCOS - A journey - 1

Let me preface this post by saying that this is about my "journey" with PCOS.  It has only just begun.  I will not discuss crafting or my home improvement or my kitties.  You have been warned....

I was told, a few months ago, that I for sure, had PCOS.  In my head, I saw the dream of having babies, disappear.  Of course, I realize, that having PCOS does not mean that I'm incapable of having children of my own, but, how many drugs, surgical interventions, and pain can someone endure to only find out, that, it may not be "meant" for us?  I struggle with whether I should stay positive and hope for the best, when, I know that it could not happen.  I also grapple with feeling as though, I'm a failure, as a woman.  One of the most important functions that I have the responsibility to perform, and my body has betrayed me.

Now as this is a genetically linked "disease", there's not much I could have done to prevent or cure it.  It's pure and simple, my ovaries are dysfunctional and it's unclear as to the exact mechanism that causes the increased androgens and estrogen in my system.  When I'm not actively trying to get pregnant, it's strongly advised that I remain on hormone treatments forever (i.e. Birth Control pills).

My symptoms are weird and not that much fun.
I have acne again, on face and shoulders/chest/upper back.  I have gained weight and find it impossible to lose any.  I have dandruff and greasy hair.  I sweat through deodorant and grow more body hair.  I no longer ovulate (if I ever did at all) and so therefore will not get my period without drug intervention.  My periods are like torture; like nothing I've ever had to deal with before and nothing helps the pain.

My fertility treatment is what is commonly referred to as, TTC.
I take a progesterone substitute (Provera 10mg) for 10 days.  Once my period begins, on day 4, I take Clomid (50mg) for 5 days.  Supposedly, I should ovulate any time from Day 9, on.  So far, my Ovulation testing has come up negative, but I think this is due to how often I test.  For this third round, I will test twice daily, starting on Day 9.  I also keep careful track of my basal body temperature.  I wake up, each day, at 5am and take my temperature.  I keep track of it (and many other things) at Fertility Friend.

My plan is to see a specialist within the next two weeks.  We will see what she has to say about my current treatment and plans for the future.

Any advice and comments are welcome.

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