Sometimes, that feeling of being in control is hovering just out of reach and it's covered in a slippery coating that is impossible for me to hold on to. Other times it's so far away that I don't see it at all. The worst part is that other people seem to have figured it all out, but I feel as though I'm not even close. Between guilt for working full time and being too tired to play with my kids at night and feeling rundown, it's as though I'm burning my candle at both ends and the middle is rapidly approaching. I almost have a feeling of impending disaster. Is this normal? If I could just put together some kind of strategy, maybe things would smooth out. At the moment, that is my priority; figuring this crazy life of mine, out.
I try to draw inspiration from people who have more challenges than me, because, truthfully, my life is good. I have a house, a family, a good job, and live in a safe area. Everyday, I work to remind myself that I have these things and even though everything is unbalanced, it's all good...
Step one, really, is to let go of the pressure. Let go of the self imposed, idealized versions of my life. I can't be super woman; I can't have a job, run a household, read all kinds of intelligent books, design patterns, write my own book, and care for my children, perfectly. That's the rub...perfection.
So, while I struggle to find my stride, maybe I will find time to log it all in here, and maybe I won't.
In my snippets of free time, I have been crocheting and knitting like mad. I've started a sweater as a Christmas gift and a shawl. The sweater is coming along ok, I had a few gauge issues, but I think I've worked it out. The shawl is still not working right. I used to knit/crochet very tightly and it was an annoying thing, but now it seems I'm the exact opposite and my gauge is way off. The sweater worked by going down a needle size, but the shawl...gosh...driving me nuts. You can see my tribulations on my Ravelry project pages.
And just because she's cute, here is a picture of my daughter.